For the Birth Partner
Many dads/partners worry that a doula will replace them at the birth. This couldn’t be farther from the reality! A doula can never replace you – you love the mom-to-be as no one else can, and your role is to give her this love freely during her labor and birth. A doula makes it possible for you to do that!
“As you know my husband wasn’t 100% on board with having a doula and went along with it to support me and what I wanted… The second you walked out of the room after our birth he looked at me and said, ‘That was totally worth it.'” -Katie, VBAC mom
Why Dads Should Demand a Doula!
- A doula can spell you. While it’s true your adrenaline will be running high in anticipation of meeting your new baby, you are only human. At some point you’ll need a bathroom break, a walk, a nap. Knowing that your partner is with someone who cares about her and knows/supports her wishes can help you feel free to take care of yourself – so you can come back ready to take care of her.
- A doula remembers the important stuff. Birth is an emotional time for the birth partner too. Through your excitement/fear/joy/worry, your memory of different laboring positions and helpful phrases might be a little fuzzy. Your doula can remind you – and make it look like your idea!
- A doula can “translate” for you. Sometimes the words medical staff use sounds like a foreign language. But your doula is familiar with these terms and can help you to understand what is going on, ask the right questions, and feel fully informed about your care.
- A doula can help to make your experience more intimate. This one may sound counter-intuitive, as she is an extra person at the birth, but your doula may sense when you need time alone with the mom-to-be and can ask the medical staff to give you some space. She can remind you of your right to request private time to discuss decisions about choices during your birth. And she may give you guidance on how you can help the mom-to-be when you are feeling lost, encouraging you to share the mom’s experience.
- A doula helps to keep you calm. Your partner is looking to you for grounding and support as she labors, but you are likely feeling nervous under new and uncontrollable circumstances. You may be worried about your partner or find it hard to see her in pain. Your doula can reassure you that what’s happening is normal. She can keep you busy helping the mom-to-be. She can help you return your focus to loving your partner.
- A doula makes you look good! It isn’t fair to expect the birth partner to remain 100% calm and focused while the woman he/she loves is struggling. But a doula can give you the information and tools to feel calm, confident, and capable, making you the perfect birth partner!